


Of Heart And Soul

by ninwrites



Series: Thicker Than Blood [2]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, As Much As Is Possible In A Human AU, Bonding, Canon Gay Character, Character Development, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First Kiss, First Time Writing Clace Properly, Friendship, Gen, Gets a bit meta at points, Heavy References To The Books, Hurt/Comfort, I've taken creative liberty with Lily and her sexuality because I like to think it's fluid., Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Harm, In A Sense Of Bonds, Jace Has A Tough Past, Jace Is Adopted By The Lightwoods, Kisses, M/M, More Library Moments, Platonic Relationship, Platonic Soulmates, Relationship(s), Secrets, Self-Denial To Self-Acceptance, Sexuality Acceptance, Similair To Parabatai, Somewhat canon-compliant, Soulmates, Teenagers, That Many References To The Show I Had To Make It A Media Type, please be kind, references to tessa/will/jem, relationship drama, slow-ish build, the rules of personal space are heavily blurred.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-04 23:09:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6679204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninwrites/pseuds/ninwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec and Jace start to drift apart, and although both of them realise it neither of them are quite prepared to take the first step. A bond like theirs is something that is forever, though, and no matter how hard they might try to distance themselves from it, they're bound to circle back eventually</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Heart And Soul

**Author's Note:**

> Features direct content from 'City Of Bones' (page 42, paperback edition) and 'The Bane Chronicles' (page 457, 'The Course Of True Love (And First Dates), paperback edition) by Cassandra Clare.
> 
> This is an adaption, of sorts, and so whilst some scenes are familair, they are not the same and that is my deliberate intention.
> 
> If you haven't already, please read the first part to this series ['The Evolution Of Them' ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6337495)  
> otherwise this part won't really make sense.
> 
> All my thanks and gratitude to 'alecsmanwhore'. This wouldn't be half as good, or likely even completed, without your endless help and support. So, as always, thank you.
> 
> Dedicated to my parabatai Hannah, who first showed me the wonders of fanfiction three years ago. I wouldn't be where I am today, nor would I even be writing in the first place if it weren't for her.
> 
> Thank you for being the Cordelia to my Lucie.

They're older, Jace is nearly seventeen and Alec almost an adult, when Jace meets the person who just might be the girl of his dreams. 

Isabelle has decided to drag him to a nightclub, Pandemonium, and because Alec denied her suggestion on the grounds that he 'had other plans', Jace is forced to go along himself. He's not sure why Isabelle is even going in the first place, he's pretty certain she's already dating someone - Meli-something - and there's plenty of places she could dance in, as opposed to an over-18 nightclub. 

But, nevertheless, he goes with her. To keep her happy, for the sake of his sanity, and to keep her safe, because he owes that much to Alec. Even if they're not really talking as much anymore. 

Isabelle knocks on his door impatiently at half-past eight, clad in a skin tight, black lace dress that barely reaches the middle of her thighs, with black stiletto boots almost to her knees and her dark hair in curls over her shoulder. Jace sighs when he opens the door and sees her, wishing for a second he was back a few years ago, before Isabelle had grown up. And then he shudders, because he realises that he's starting to think like Alec. 

"Hurry up." Isabelle demands impatiently. "I don't want to be late." 

Jace tugs on a faded leather jacket, slipping his phone into the back pocket of his jeans. Isabelle watches silently as he runs a hand through his hair, pushing it back. He walks past her, pausing at the threshold of the door where she's still standing. 

"Well," He says, smugly. "Are you coming?" 

Isabelle glares at him and huffs out a low sigh, which only earns her a laugh and cocky grin in response. He takes the stairs two at a time, determined to have as much fun as he can, if he's going to be dragged out on a Friday night. 

Jace has Isabelle's hand wrapped around his arm when he first walks in, and he manages to keep it that way up to the bar. As soon as he's ordered their drinks, flashing his fake ID at the bartender who probably knows they're underaged, but doesn't seem to care, he feels her hand slip away. He turns around to the see her inky black hair swish as she makes her way throughout the crowd, clinging to the muscled bicep of some stranger. 

Jace sighs, hoping that she acts as smart as he knows she is, and hoping harder than that, that she won't get herself in any trouble or undesirable circumstances. 

He sips his drink slowly, aiming to pace himself. He figures that if he's in for a long night, he doesn't want to be throwing up in the disgusting bathroom in an hour or so. The bartender eyes him for a second before moving on, and Jace slumps impossibly further onto the bar stool. 

His drink is halfway gone, when he hears an unfamiliar, slightly high-tilted voice, asking for a drink he knows to be more than just a little stiff. 

"That's a pretty strong drink, you know?" 

Jace turns as he speaks, and he's surprised to find a petite girl with fiery red hair and piercing green eyes - currently boring a hole in the middle of his forehead. 

"And how is what I order any of your business?" She asks, and Jace can't help but admire her - he's always liked girls who are determined and straightforward. 

"Well, technically it's not." He says, taking in her elbow-length sleeved top, black with stripes running horizontally, and dark jeans with tears along the sides. 

"But I wouldn't want a pretty girl like you to be knocking herself into walls and getting hurt." 

The girl fixes him with a deadly glare, full of heat and fury and Jace's grin only widens. 

He likes her already. 

"You'd better be careful, or you'll be the one getting hurt." She warns. 

"You going to do it, sweetheart?" Jace teases, because the urge is simply too great to resist. 

He can see her jaw tighten, guesses she's about to snap, either biting him with scathing words or possibly attempting to hurt him with a punch - not that it looks like her punch would really cause him any damage. 

He doesn't get the chance to find out, because they're interrupted by a stereotypically-geeky guy - complete with glasses and a  _Star Wars_ shirt depicting  _'I Am Your Father'_ with an  _almost_ menacing Darth Vader as the background. 

"Clary, there you are." The new guy says, and Jace smirks, mainly to himself. 

"I've been looking everywhere for you." The nerd continues, before sparing a glance at Jace. 

"Who's this?" He asks Clary, and Jace resists the urge to scoff. 

"Jace." He offers a hand to the new guy, who looks at him like he just kicked a puppy. 

Jace wonders if the new guy is the puppy he just accidentally kicked. 

"Simon." The guy says, ignoring Jace's hand, before his attention is drawn back to Clary. "Clary, look, I know it's your birthday and everything-" 

"It's your birthday?" Jace interrupts, ignoring Simon's annoyed groan. 

Clary nods, her gaze back on him. She's not glaring anymore, and Jace thinks she might be blushing but he doesn't want to assume, yet. 

"Well, happy birthday then." He says, flashing a blinding grin and pairing it with a wink. This time, Jace is certain that she's blushing. 

"Thank you," She whispers. 

"Anyway, as I was saying, I know it's your birthday and everything, but if I don't get you home soon you're mum is going to kill me. I mean she's going to kill you anyway, but that was your choice. I can't really help you, and besides I don't exactly have a death wish." Simon says, and Jace kind of wants to gag him. Just a little bit. 

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Clary says, but Jace could swear he hears disappointment in her voice. 

"It was a pleasure to meet you," Jace says, hoping to make one last, if fleeting, impression on Clary. He's not sure what it is about her that he likes so much, but he knows that it's something. 

"I appreciate your concern about my wellbeing." Clary says, and Simon looks between them, his confusion only fuelling Jace's smugness. 

"Anytime." Jace says, and Clary smiles at him for a second before she's being pulled away. 

Jace sighs, feeling as though he's emptying breath from his lungs. The bartender sneaks a glance and laughs at him, but Jace doesn't care. He's never met a girl quite like Clary before - most certainly not one who didn't fall at his feet after one smile. There's something about her, something interesting and intriguing, and he can't help but want to get to know her better. 

Know her at all. 

 

* * *

 

When Lily and Alec first enter the ice-cream store they're supposed to be meeting her friends at, there's nothing but low, idle chatter. Then, Lily leads him to a table towards the back corner, and Alec feels his stomach clench tightly. 

The girl he assumes is Maia, with soft brown skin and hair twisted into a plait, draped over one shoulder, appears more than bored with his presence. However, there's a sharpness to her chocolate eyes, that hints at something not entirely seen, and Alec gulps. 

There's a guy with curly black hair framing an almost heart-shaped face, and large dark eyes boring through light-brown skin that speaks of long days under the rays of the sun. He looks young, and attractive if Alec is being honest with himself, but the menacing glare he's directing soley at Alec is a bit of a turn off. It doesn't take him long to figure out he's Raphael. 

And then there's Magnus, and Alec can tell with a single glance that Lily wasn't joking about him being eccentric. He's paired a deep crimson v-neck with bright purple jeans, and there's at least three different necklaces draped around his neck. His hair is spiked, and Alec thinks there might be glitter in there, or something else that creates a reflecting shimmer. His fingers are adorned with rings that catch the light and sparkle, and Alec only realises he's been staring once Magnus laughs, and Lily pinches his shoulder fairly tightly. 

"Alec, meet my  _other_ friends; Magnus, Raphael, and Maia." She introduces, nodding at each of them in turn. 

Alec waves and offers a mild smile, and Magnus is the only one who returns it, although his smile is wider and brighter than Alec's could hope to be. 

"Guys," Lily says, directing it towards the other three. "This is Alec. Be nice. Don't eat him." 

"He probably wouldn't taste good." Maia quips, and Lily cocks her head to the side. Alec can't see her expression, but he can see the playful smirk on Maia's face. 

"I don't know..." Magnus adds, and he doesn't finish his sentence, laughing instead - whether at Lily's likely glare or Alec's blush, is undetermined. 

"This is the guy you've been rambling on about?" Raphael asks, peering at Alec with a scrutinising gaze. 

"No. This is Alec, the guy who's become one of my best friends." Lily explains, and Alec can feel her arm tighten around him. 

He almost laughs, the idea of what they must look like to the outside world entering his mind - like a couple, most likely. Funny, because he's pretty certain they can't possibly get any further away from being straight if they tried. 

There's also a nice warmth sweeping him, because Lily has declared him as  _one of her best friends_ , and he knows for a fact that Lily doesn't always get along with other people, so to have her declare such a statement, and so openly, means a lot to him. 

Lily drags Alec closer to the booth, nudging Maia's leg with the toe of her boot. 

"Move," She orders, not unkindly, and Maia obliges. Lily slides in, nestled in the middle, leaving Alec not only on the outside but also right across from Magnus. 

Who winks as soon as Alec looks at him, sparking a flutter like wings in Alec's chest. His blush deepens, and he digs his fingers into his jeans to calm himself down. 

"Hi," Magnus stage-whispers. 

"H-hey," Alec stutters out, and he knows that if he turns his head to the right he'll likely see Lily smiling encouragingly, or smugly, so he doesn't. 

Conversation flows around them, but the most seems to be shared between Alec and Magnus. Maia and Raphael ask questions every now and then, and at times Lily shares a momento from either her's and Alec's time together, or a tale from some adventure she shared with the other three. Alec slowly grows more confident with the time that passes, but he still feels a little anxious, worried that none of them are going to like him. 

It's worse when he talks to Magnus, who's undeniably gorgeous, and who seems to have a genuine interest in Alec - something he himself can't fathom nor ignore. The more Alec tries to answer non-committally, the more Magnus presses for deeper answers, and an hour in they're laughing and Alec's not thinking about what he's saying or doing, he just does it. 

His blush returns, fiercer than ever, when Magnus reaches for his hand and scribbles his number in black pen on the back of it. Magnus makes Alec promise to at least text him later that night, and Alec finds himself agreeing despite the knot in his stomach. 

His mind flickers to Jace, briefly, but it's pushed away as soon as Magnus brushes his lips along Alec's knuckles before slowly, almost reluctantly, releasing his hand. 

He won't tell Jace about this, whatever  _it_ is, yet, because he still hasn't told Jace that he's 99% sure he's gay. 

He will, eventually, one day, just ... just not yet. He needs to take thing slow, before he breaks one of the most precious things in his life. 

Baby steps. He needs to take baby steps. 

 

* * *

 

"Ducks? Your biggest fear is  _ducks_?" 

Jace fights down the intruding heat that threatens to rise on his cheeks. He isn't embarrassed, the room is just warm. He doesn't get embarrassed. He's cool. 

"They're evil." He declares, adamant despite Clary's amused laugh. 

She takes a sip of her coffee, her eyes flicking over to the stage where Simon's band - currently  _'Insert Band Name Here' -_ is getting ready for their set. When she looks back, there's a spark in her eyes that's almost playful. 

"Evil sounds like a bit of an exaggeration." She says, raising her eyebrows slightly. 

"Trust me," Jace replies. "They're not to be trusted." 

He's been hanging out with Clary, and sometimes unfortunately Simon, for a mere few months, but there's something interesting about her. She bites back with her own jokes and doesn't let her petite stature undermine her personality or actions. He's never met anyone like her before, and no matter how hard he tries, there's barely a minute where he isn't thinking about her, even when she's right in front of him. 

He's not quite sure what it is, and he can't work out whether that's entirely a bad thing or not. 

"I think I'll just take your word for it." Clary says. She grimaces as Simon's bandmate, Eric, coughs into the mic. 

"Your loyalty is truly inspiring. Either that, or you just really like this coffee." Jace says, wincing slightly himself.  _He_ only turns up at these gigs because he knows Clary will be there. 

"Well, I'm not here for Eric's lyrics, that's for sure." Clary says, laughing a little. Jace nods in agreement,  _"Come, my faux juggernaut, my nefarious_ _loins_ _!"_ aren't exactly inspiring words to hear. 

"So then, why  _are_ you here?" Clary asks, leaning closer with intrigue. "Don't tell me you have a crush on Simon." 

"Well," Jace smirks, gazing over at the stage with what he hopes is obviously fake wonder. 

"You've caught me now. He's just so dreamy, those ... glasses and the ... nerdy shirts he wears..." 

Jace shakes his head as Clary's laugh rises in volume, a soft sound slipping from between his own lips. He didn't think he'd be fantastic at pretending to have a crush on Simon, but he also didn't believe he'd be so bad at it. 

"He'll just be heartbroken when he finds out," Clary says, looking at Jace over the rim of her coffee, her green eyes flashing with amusement. 

"He's a tough guy, I'm sure he'll live." Jace replies, keeping eye contact as he drinks from his own mug. 

"So why do you come here all the time, then?" Clary asks, and Jace is just about to answer with something quick off the top of his head, when ringing notes break the murmur of the room. 

Clary turns her attention to the stage, smiling proudly despite the slight grimace in her eyes. Jace doesn't. Instead, he watches her, watches the slight bop of her head as she tries to enjoy the music, catalogues the paint on her forearm and the charcoal on the inside of her wrist, as though committing it all to memory. 

 _'Im here because of you.'_ He thinks. 

 _'Always because of you.'_  

 

* * *

 

Magnus and Alec's first date happens on a Friday night. 

However, because it's  _Alec's_ first date, nothing goes the way it should. 

First, he gets roped into helping Jace work out, because for some reason Jace's physical health and fitness are suddenly extremely important to him. And, despite his best attempts at getting away, by the time Alec showers and changes his outfit three times - eventually settling on a pale blue shirt that Isabelle made him buy, and dark jeans that are barely on the comfortable side of snug - he's half an hour late, and running down the street to Magnus' apartment. 

The address of which, by some miracle, he still remembers. Possibly the only thing going right for him all day. 

He allows himself a few seconds to try and compose himself, before he presses Magnus' buzzer. It rings throughout the building, and Alec distantly wonders how loud it is on the inside. 

"This is not how I pictured this date beginning." Magnus says, his eyebrows raised, when he opens the door. 

Alec almost sways on his feet when he takes in Magnus' deep crimson pants - which hug him in all the right places - and black waistcoat, which Alec is pretty sure is silk, and which he has a strange urge to run his fingers under, specifically because Magnus doesn't appear to be wearing anything else underneath. 

He also has a cat in his hands - Chairman Meow, he recalls Magnus telling him - who doesn't seem particularly bothered, although he does make a soft sound, when Magnus backs away from the door and flops onto the velvet sofa, his legs folded over the curved arms. 

Alec literally feels his face fall, and he tries to fix a smile, but he guesses it still shows how upset he is. Not that he is sad because of Magnus' behaviour, but rather his own, and the unfortunate circumstances throughout the day that have led up to this point. 

"I'm really sorry I'm so late." He pants, hoping Magnus won't decide to kick him out and end the date before it's even started. 

This is his first date - ever - and he's scared he's already messed everything up, because he really  _doesn't know what he's doing_. 

"Jace roped me into working out with him, and I tried to get away, but I couldn't really tell him-" 

"Don't stress about it." Magnus says, waving his hand dismissively, the rings on his fingers catching the light streaming through his windows, sparkling bright like Alec's eyes when he realises that Magnus isn't angry at him. 

Magnus swings his legs off the couch and stands up, waltzing over to Alec with the exquisite grace of a cat. Chairman, obviously used to Magnus' sudden movements, hops onto the couch before he can fall onto the floor. Not without releasing an irritated meow first, of course. 

"Have a drink," Magnus says, holding out his own glass, the dark scarlett liquid swishing around ever so slightly. 

Unfortunately for Alec, his brain is lagging a little, and so instead of taking the drink as Magnus offers it, he freaks out and fumbles, resulting in a soaked shirt and shattered glass. 

Wonderful. Because the one thing he wants is to embarrass himself further. 

"That was an exciting turn of events." Magnus comments idly. 

"I am so sorry." Alec replies. He thinks that if he wasn't so shocked he'd probably be crying; thankfully, his eyes are dry, although, his cheeks  _are_ almost burning, so he supposes that perhaps not everything is as peachy as it could be. 

"Don't be sorry, I probably should have given you a bit more of a warning." 

Magnus smiles warmly, and Alec's grateful that somehow he hasn't ruined the evening. Yet. 

"Let me just get something to clean this up ... and perhaps a new shirt for you to wear." 

"You don't have to-" Alec begins to protest, but Magnus is gone with the flash of a smile before Alec can even finish his sentence, and the words quickly die on his lips. 

Unsure of what exactly he should do or what the proper protocol for a situation like this is, Alec bites his bottom lip, and eventually settles on tugging his shirt off, because he's at a loss as to what else he can do, and at least by doing that it gives him something to do with his hands. 

He grimaces as it valiantly attempts to stick to his skin, but manages to peel it off. He scrunches up the soaked shirt in his hands, not quite sure what to do with it now that he has taken it off. 

"This should fit, we seem to be similair sizes..." 

Alec looks up as Magnus walks in, black shirt in one hand and broom-and-spade in the other. He feels the heat as it rises on his cheeks, not because he's embarrassed - at least, no more than he was five seconds ago - but rather because Magnus' eyes have widened slightly, and his jaw's a little slack, and Alec knows that look, recognises it from every time he's ever looked at Magnus, every time he's ever seen  _Jace_ without a shirt. 

It's appreciation, in a sense, and attraction. And it's all because Magnus is looking at Alec. Admittedly, he is shirtless, but still. Magnus is  _checking him out._  

And even if Alec himself can't understand, he also can't pretend it's not there. 

There's a buzz inside Alec unlike anything he's ever felt before, and he knows he should probably feel a little self-conscious, and he does, kind of, but he also feels like kissing Magnus' mouth where it has turned up in the corner. 

Magnus seems to steel himself, and he offers the shirt to Alec. Alec takes it with a grateful smile, and slips it on as Magnus sweeps up the mess. He grimaces slightly at the glittery words written on the front,  _BLINK IF YOU WANT ME_ , but he also decides that he can't really expect too much, as it is Magnus after all, and it's far better than his alternative. 

"I'm sorry I've been such a lousy date," Alec mumbles, because even though the date hasn't really started, he hasn't taken it to a very high standard yet. 

"Nonsense," Magnus replies, smirking as he darts off to put away the broom. "You've been here barely ten minutes, and I've already gotten you with half of your clothes off." 

Alec can't help but smile. He's annoyingly new to dating, but there's something simple about Magnus' mild flirting and honest smiles. Something almost comforting about the care he's taking not to make Alec feel too awkward. 

"We'll just have to see how the rest of the night goes then, I suppose." Alec replies, and he thinks it's a pretty weak attempt at flirting, but Magnus takes it with a spark in his eyes that wasn't as bright before. 

"Best we go to dinner, now, then." Magnus says, grabbing a red leather coat off the back of his couch, and sliding his arms effortlessly through the sleeves. 

He holds out a hand to Alec, simple and unassuming, and Alec takes it, feeling as though even this simple gesture is like taking a dive into the deep end of an Olympic-sized swimming pool. 

Regardless, Alec has decided that he's not going to shy away from the prospect of a relationship because he's scared of the risks. 

He doesn't want to live his life like that anymore. 

 

* * *

 

The subway's crowded, though they're luckily able to grab seats. They sit somewhat uncomfortably next to each other, all too aware of the people around them. Alec wonders if Magnus is regretting his decision, to suggest a date in the first place, as nothing has really occurred in their favour all evening. 

Just when Alec thinks things can't get any more awkward, and just as he's wondering who chooses the ads that are placed along the roof, the train stops at a station and two guys hop on, somehow clearing a space interestingly right in front of Magnus and Alec. 

One of them sits down and starts tapping out a beat on a drum he'd brought in, and the other swings himself, almost dramatically, around one of the poles. 

"Greetings ladies, gentlemen and all other sentient life forms." The one with the drum calls out. "We're going to perform a song for the entertainment of all you crazy people. This, is called the Butt Song." 

They begin to wrap, something they've quite likely made up themselves, and Alec surprises himself by finding it somewhat interesting, if unbelievably strange. 

 _"Roses are red, and they say love's not made to last, but I know I'll never get enough of that sweet, sweet ass."_  

Neither Alec nor Magnus say anything, but the tension between them seems to ease slightly, and Alec allows himself to scoff out a laugh. 

 _"Hate to see you leave, but love to watch you go. Turn back, then leave again - baby do it slow."_  

Most of the other commuters are, unsurprisingly, quite stunned, and a few, having recovered from shock, appear disgusted. Alec's aware that his expression is probably quite peculiar and distorted, as he's not entirely sure what to make of the song. It's amusing, but not what he had expected. 

Magnus doesn't say anything either, but when they exit the train Alec sees him hand out a few banknotes to the singers. 

"That song was terrible." Magnus mumbles, a little later, as they're strolling down the street to a restaurant Alec knows nothing about. 

"True," Alec replies, although he'd found it kind of funny too. 

"And yet," Magnus adds, turning to Alec with a dancing light in his eyes. "I couldn't help but find it hilarious." 

Alec nods, a smile turning up the corners of his mouth. "Me too." 

And just like that, the awkwardness between them disperses, and Alec thinks he might just end up having a good time after all. 

All in all, Alec decides as Magnus turns the key to open his front door, the date went fairly well, even with the rocky start. At the restaurant, there had been a slight fiasco with one of Magnus' exes and a glass of wine, and a crazy waiter who had a vendetta against Alec from the moment they walked in. 

But apart from that, Alec had enjoyed himself. It had been nice allowing himself to relax, and seeing a more transparent side of Magnus, a more honest one than the 'flashy' personality he portrays in front of others. 

They halt at the threshold of Magnus' apartment, and when Magnus gives Alec a sidelong glance Alec feels his breath hitch in his throat. He bites his bottom lip gently, considering his options, and his hesitation lasts only a few seconds before he reaches out and grasps Magnus' arm, the muscles tight under Alec's fingers. 

"Magnus," He whispers, almost like a prayer, a benediction, and he can't figure out what he wants, he just knows that Magnus can give it to him. 

He can hear Magnus' breath, quick and low, and he takes it as a good, encouraging sign. He leans in, delving into the shadows wrapping around them both, the mood heightened by the hushed silence. His mouth presses against Magnus', gentle and cautious, allowing him a chance to pull away if he wants to. 

He doesn't, instead pulling Alec impossibly close by the loops on his jeans, catching Alec's absolutely  _not needy_ gasp between his lips. Alec leans in, effectively pushing Magnus against the wall near his door, his hands roaming up Magnus' arms, meeting in a lock around his neck. Magnus slides a hand beneath Alec's shirt -  _his shirt, because Alec is wearing_ his  _shirt_  - gracing the warm, bare skin underneath with feather-light fingertips. 

They stay that way for an  _embarrassingly_ long time, before they remember that Magnus' apartment is less than a metre away. As they stumble through the entry, Magnus kicks the door shut, wincing slightly when it closes with a loud bang. He cracks an eye open to check that he hasn't broken it in his haste. 

Thankfully, the door is fine, and as Alec kisses a soft, slow line down Magnus' neck, he decides that he wouldn't care even if the door was barely hanging onto it's hinges at the moment. 

Alec pauses just below Magnus' ear, at the hollow of his neck, because he remembers seeing it on TV once, and he's sort of going on autopilot. But then Magnus makes an almost choked sound, and Alec's whole world comes crashing down around him in painful shards of obnoxious reality. 

He pulls away, his breathing hard and fast, scratching his throat as it gasps out. His hands are trembling, and he feels physically sick, can feel the colour draining from his cheeks until he's paler than normal. Magnus doesn't say anything, he just slides his hand into Alec's, caressing his fingers in the heat from his hands, and guides him towards the couch. Alec sinks into the cushions, only faintly registering the horrifically bright shade of the furniture. 

They sit in silence for a few seconds, and Alec knows that he should be trying to explain himself, but he can't find the words despite how desperately he searches for them. 

"Are you okay?" Magnus asks, and there's so much raw concern in his voice that Alec's actually pained from hearing it. "If I've pushed you too far-" 

"No, you haven't done that at all. I just, I can't..." 

Alec groans in frustration, and rubs his hand over his face and through his hair. He almost laughs at how long it took him to do it earlier, only to end up messy and stuck up in every possible direction. 

He stands up, his hand falling from Magnus' grip. Magnus watches as he paces back and forth, wringing his hands and scrubbing them across the back of his neck. He pauses, barely a few steps from Magnus' front door. 

"I think I should probably go home." Alec eventually admits. 

"Probably," Magnus replies, regretfully. 

"I don't want to, though." Alec says. "I had a really good time tonight." 

"I had fun too, and I wish you  _could_ stay." Magnus sighs. "But..." 

Alec nods, shortly. "Yeah." 

Magnus stands up and slowly crosses the distance between them, watching Alec's face for any sign that something other than perfectly reasonable first-date nerves is going on. He doesn't find anything, and he's silently pleased to see that Alec was being honest, when he said that he didn't want to go. 

"Goodbye," Alec says softly, and Magnus pulls him close with a hand on his cheek, pressing their lips together in a gentle kiss. 

They pull away before things can get too heated again, as Magnus doesn't want to actually scare Alec away. Alec stands there, tense and almost contemplative, and internally he feels as though he's fighting a war waged between his heart and his head. 

"Can I see you again?" He asks, eventually, his voice tight and strained. "Soon?" 

"I hope so." Magnus replies, speaking from his heart, because that's how Alec has always spoken to him and it seems only fair to extend the same respect. 

"Next Friday night?" Alec suggests, and he sounds far too hopeful - in Magnus' opinion - as though all of his dreams and wishes are riding on Magnus' answer. And that's a lot of to carry after only one date. 

Magnus pauses, and Alec's face drops, every possible horrible explanation bursting at the front of his mind. 

"Friday night." Magnus nods, determined. "Friday night would be wonderful." 

Alec's whole face lights up when he smiles, a beacon of happiness, and Magnus fights to keep his relaxed composure. He figures that one of them has to be the rock in the storm. Or whatever the saying is. 

"I'll see you then," Alec replies, stepping backward with slow, deliberate steps. 

"Or perhaps sooner." Magnus adds, and Alec's smile sparks something inside his chest that feels a lot like sunshine. 

Alec nods, and waves goodbye. Magnus waves back, and it's as he shuts the door, that he hears an almost crashing sound. He waits a second, contemplating peeking his head out in case something has happened to Alec, but then he hears a few more fading sounds and decides he'll pretend he didn't hear anything in the first place. 

Instead, he makes himself a drink, and spends the next few hours thinking back over their date and every twist and turn it had taken. 

It seems that being with Alec could prove interesting, to say the least. And he's never been one to stray from anything that piqued his interest. 

 

* * *

 

"Alec. Seriously. Have you even kissed him yet?" 

Alec's eyes widen, his mouth falling open. Lily, who looks completely unashamed, just raises her eyebrows. 

"Well?" 

"Yes, no, well, kind of, I - I don't know if it  _really_  counts if I end up pulling away because I'm scared. And, I mean we've only been on one date ... and I-" 

Alec sighs, shaking his head slowly. He pops a fry into his mouth, using it as time allowance for him to think about how to continue. 

"I thought you liked him," Lily says, prompting him. She knows Alec likes Magnus, just as she knows that Magnus is positively smitten in return. But she needs Alec to admit it, not just for her sake but for Alec's. 

"I do." Alec says, rubbing his forehead. "I just..." 

"This,  _thing_ I had for Jace." He explains. "It was the first time I'd ever liked someone, ever been hung up on someone, and I'm not sure that I'm quite over it yet. And I don't think it's fair to Magnus, if I still am. I don't want to hurt him." 

"But, dragging the relationship along with no explanation is supposed to make him feel better?" 

"No, I just-" 

Alec groans, resisting the urge to knock his head on the table. It's all so frustrating and confusing, and he doesn't like it. He likes to be in control, likes to know what's going on and understand everything that's happening, but when it comes to his feelings he has no idea and he hates it. 

"If you like him, then you should just go for it." Lily suggests, soft-spoken in a way she hardly ever is. "I know that you were, or perhaps still are, infatuated with Jace, and that's not something you can help." 

She reaches over and places her hand next to his, not touching but  _there._  

"But you also can't just throw away a great guy because you  _might_ be in love with Jace. To be brutally honest, Alec, you've got a better chance with Magnus than Jace anyway. I'm not trying to tell you what you should do, I'm just saying you might just need to think about it." 

Alec bites his bottom lip gently. "I know." 

The etched mark on his wrist thrums, low and slight, almost as though it's trying to comfort Alec in some way, to tell him that no matter what he decides, Jace will always be close to him. 

It  _is_ , in a strange way, a small comfort. 

 

* * *

 

"Meliorn!" 

Jace glances over at Alec with raised eyebrows, as Isabelle runs - a feat seemingly impossible in the neck-breakers she calls shoes - to her,  _current_ , boyfriend. 

 _"Meliorn?"_ Jace whispers, his voice low enough for only Alec's ears. 

"Apparently 'it's foreign'." Alec whispers, quoting Isabelle directly. 

Jace laughs, careful to keep his voice quiet so Isabelle doesn't hear him. He's never been incredibly interested in Isabelle's love life - his own confusing and irritating enough - but this newest addition in her string of relationships is amusing to say the least. 

Meliorn's eyes are sharp, but his expression is blank and disinterested. Even when he looks at Isabelle, there's only the ghost of a smile on his lips, a dull spark in his eyes. Isabelle, however, appears completely smitten - even if it is just with his looks and not his personality. 

Either way, she's happy, and it's not like she'd listen to either him or Alec if they tried to protest. 

Jace looks at Alec so he doesn't have to watch Isabelle and her boyfriend make out. "How long do you think this one will last?" 

"I'd give him a few months, he seems like a tough guy." Alec answers. 

There's a funny look in his eyes, one Jace can't pinpoint, but before he can ask about it Isabelle's yelling at them from the door. 

"We're leaving now, I'll call you if our plans change." She tells them. 

"You'll be home before midnight!" Alec warns, but Isabelle just smiles and shakes her head fondly, as though Alec is being deliberately ridiculous. 

"It's okay Alec, I don't listen to you either." Jace says, the room echoing with the sound of the shutting door. 

"I've gotten used to talking to myself. Perhaps that's why I'm crazy," Alec quips back. 

Jace's phone beeps, and when he looks at he sees it's a message from Clary. 

 

 

 **Little Girl:** _I hate to do this but I have to bail on tonight. My mum wants me to help her and Luke with some cleaning and maintenance at the_ _bookshop_ _\- maybe next time?_  

 

His fingers dance across the screen of his phone, sending back a quick reply. 

**You:** _Not a problem. Have fun._  

 

A subconscious smile grows when he reads her next message, unaware that Alec is watching him curiously the whole time. 

**Little Girl:** _Very unlikely._  

 

"Clary?" Alec asks, his eyes darkening slightly, the pulse point in his jaw tensing. 

"Uh, yeah. We were supposed to hang out, but she needs to help her mum." Jace replies, sliding his phone back into his pocket. 

"I see." 

Jace's forehead creases slightly as he looks over. "Is something wrong?" 

"No." Alec answers curtly. Jace knows that he's not Clary's biggest fan, but he can't understand what's brought on such a reaction. 

"Do you have a problem with her?" He asks, anger boiling below the surface. 

"I'm not exactly fond of her, if that's what you're asking. What does it matter, I don't like half of Izzy's boyfriends - any of them, actually." Alec answers, and even though Jace knows he's only telling the truth, he can't help but be irritated. 

"She's not even my girlfriend." 

"But you want her to be, don't you?" Alec asks, flat and cold around the edges, and he's right, of course, which only infuriates Jace more. 

There's been a glaring distance between them lately, and he knows it's partly his fault, having been caught up in spending time with Clary, but Alec is to blame as well. They don't see each other nearly as much as they used to, and they haven't really spent much time together when they have both been home, and it's causing a strain between them. 

There's a constant, dull ache in his wrist, and even though it's a reminder to fix things, Jace ignores it day in and day out, because he's horrible at admitting when he's made a mistake. 

"Is it an issue if I do?" He bites back, and he's reminded of years ago, when he was messed up and broken - much more than he is now - when he sniped at Alec in the library, when Alec had first seen his scars and Jace had sent him away. 

(Alec still doesn't know about that. He'd never asked, and Jace had kept it a secret, because he couldn't bring himself to acknowledge the past.) 

"Not whilst you still have time for me." Alec replies, verging on sarcasm, and he turns, almost as though he's about to walk away. Jace knows he should drop it, but he can't. 

"I have time for you, Alec. But you're never around to realise it." 

There's a beat of silence, enough time for Jace to regret what he said and wish he could take it back. 

"I know this must be hard to hear, but not everyone schedules their lives around you, Jace. Hate to break it to you." 

Alec's words are like a blow to Jace's chest, but before he can say anything Alec's gone, jogging up the stairs. Jace is left, mouth agape with a hole in his heart slightly bigger than it was before. 

His first instinct, as it always is when something happens, is to tell Alec - but then he remembers that Alec is the one he just fought with, the one who is angry with him, and his breath hitches. He can't call Clary, because she's busy, and he isn't really close enough to tell anyone else. 

In a move he hasn't down since he was younger, he makes his way to the library.

 

* * *

 

 _"Something's weighing on your mind - what is it?"_  

Alec stares into the corner of his room, where the paint has chipped off and left a mark behind - Jace had been throwing a ball in his room, a few years ago now, and almost made a hole in the wall. Instead of yelling at him, like they both thought he would, Alec had just laughed and promised not to tell his parents the truth. 

"How do you know there's anything?" Alec asks, his eyes boring into the paintless spot. 

 _"I can tell. You sound distracted, and not as happy as you usually do. If there isn't something wrong, it must be me, and I really do hope that it is not the latter."_  

Alec allows his fond smile to grow at Magnus' words. Despite the little time they've known each other for, Magnus can read him better than almost anybody ... almost as well as Jace can. 

"I had an ... argument with Jace. It was silly, and I wasn't thinking, but it still happened. I think it's been bubbling up for a while - we haven't really been talking as much as we used to be." 

 _"You two are really close, aren't you?"_  

Alec looks down at the mark bonding he and Jace, the mark that Magnus doesn't know about, because he's been so careful about hiding it, underneath the sleeves of his sweater, or with the particular turn of his wrist, or even a few times hidden beneath a layer of makeup he'd swiped from Isabelle's room. 

"He's my brother. Even though he entered my life a little later than, say Isabelle, he's still family." 

 _"It must be nice."_ Magnus sounds distant, and Alec wishes they were talking face-to-face, so he could offer comfort in more than just words travelling along air-waves. 

"Sometimes. He can be a pain in the ass, too. It's not all sunshine and rainbows." 

Magnus laughs, and Alec can feel his cheeks heating up slightly. 

"What are you doing tomorrow?" He asks, remembering his conversation with Lily a few days ago. 

His blush spreads down his neck like a wildfire, hot and flaring, when Magnus' reply comes through the line. 

 _"Hopefully, something with you."_  

 

* * *

 

"I know I said that you could choose what we did, to make up for me abandoning our plans, but this is -" 

"Awesome?" Jace interrupts, pushing open the door of the greenhouse. 

"I was going to say ridiculous, actually. When someone says picnic, you generally think of Central Park. And, you know, at a reasonable hour." 

Jace grins at Clary, his delight at her naivety astounding. 

"Trust me. You've never had a picnic like this." 

Clary still looks a little apprehensive as she follows Jace into the glass-walled room. The greenhouse rests in a far corner of the backyard, as large as a master bedroom and full of twining vines, and daffodils, lilies and roses and what look like small violets. The smell when they first walk in is overpowering, but in a nice way - the scent of earth, and pollen and delicate flower petals rushing around her in the breeze, drifting into her nose, wafting around her the way freshly-baked cookies do when you take them out of the oven. 

"You don't have to worry about us being interrupted," Jace tells her, leading the way past shelves of potted plants and bags of fertilizer. 

"Alec and Isabelle are allergic." He explains. He doesn't notice Clary's slight frown when his adopted brother is mentioned, too focused on his destination. 

"Technically it's Hodge's - he's our tutor - but I like to come in here sometimes. It's peaceful." 

Clary nods. "So why did you bring  _me_ here?" 

Jace shrugs, disguising his nerves behind a sarcastic grin. 

"I thought it would be nice." He says. Truthfully, there's more to it than that. He wanted a chance to spend some time alone with her, away from Simon and his stupid bandmates and his dumb shirts and his  _'I-heart-Clary'_ eyes. 

Clary doesn't say anything, her attention turned to the dusty, dirt-covered ground they're walking on, her grey sneakers scuffing across the concrete. 

"Here," Jace says, holding out his hand. She hesitantly takes it, her hand small and delicate in his. 

He smiles at her, genuinely, and is pleased to see her smile back. He leads her through the greenhouse, which is infinitely bigger on the inside than Clary first thought, past potted plants and blooming trees, through a leafy canopy that acts as a curtain, a barrier between one side of the greenhouse and the other. 

There's a colourful patchwork quilt on the other side, and a weaved picnic basket with a tartan-patterned interior. Jace leads Clary to the blanket, her movements slower as she tries to fathom what's in front of her. She thinks she sees a butterfly, with shimmering pearl wings, but then she blinks and there's nothing but flowers and Jace. 

 _Jace,_ who invited her to his secret greenhouse at midnight. Who is sarcastic and charming, but somehow allows her to see the more real sides of him, the honesty and truth that doesn't usually shine from him like it seems to around her. 

"It's not the most glamorous picnic, I will admit. But, I do make a mean cheese sandwich." Jace says, lowering himself to sit on the blanket. His hand slides from Clary's, and although she doesn't mention it, she almost misses it. 

Jace hands her a sandwich, wrapped in a crisp white napkin, and Clary smiles at him in thanks as she takes it. The sandwich is warm, and a little damp, but it also tastes good so she can't find much to complain about. 

"So, why midnight?" Clary asks, swallowing a bite of her sandwich. 

"I've found the sky is nicer at night." Jace says, simplistically, but Clary gets the feeling there's more to it than just that. 

She doesn't say anything else, and when their sandwiches are finished he cuts an apple into eight pieces. The number is slightly odd, but she thanks him when he hands her some of the slices, anyway. 

"Tell me something about yourself," Clary suggests. "Something strange, that most people wouldn't know about you." 

Jace's first thoughts fly to Alec, and their bond, and the fact that the matter hasn't been brought up in conversation yet. He has no doubt that Clary has noticed, but they haven't talked about it and he's not sure what that means. 

"When I was five I wanted to have a bath in spaghetti." He says, instead. Clary laughs, and the sound is like the piano notes he plays, it's music to his hears, and he wants to hear it again. 

"I'm being serious." He says, laughing slightly himself. "I was so adamant on having a bath in spaghetti. I never did, unfortunately, but I'll never forget about it." 

"I suppose you could do it now though, couldn't you?" Clary asks, and Jace shrugs, having never really thought about it before. 

"Probably. But I'm not sure how much pasta I'd need." 

"A lot, I assume." 

Jace nods. "Tell me a fact about you," He says, and Clary's lips purse in thought. 

"I've always wanted to get a tattoo. My mum's always been against it, but ever since I was twelve I've wanted one. Back then it was just to cover up my chicken-pox scar." 

Jace's eyebrows raise curiously, and Clary slides her left arm out of her jumper sleeve. She pulls the sleeve of her shirt down slightly, careful not to snap any threads. Her shoulder is pale, like the rest of her skin, and at the top of it is a silvery-white, almost star-shaped mark. 

"That's a strange scar." Jace says, and Clary nods in agreement. 

"And unique." He adds, thinking of his own mark, vastly different from hers, and the other scars that he keeps hidden from everyone. 

Clary smiles, and she's pretty certain that the tops of her cheeks are heating up, but she can't help it. Jace is looking at her like she's golden,  _x_ marks the spot and apparently she's the treasure worth searching for. 

"Thanks for, you know, doing this." She says, and she knows that she should probably stand up, say goodbye, go home before her mum finds out and grounds her for a month for being out past her curfew. 

But she can't, because Jace's eyes are glittering like polished coins and he's only looking at  _her_ , it's all  _because of her_ , and she can't seem to escape the hold his gaze has on her. There's a beat of silence, and then he's leaning in and Clary finds herself moving forward as well. 

Kissing Jace is not what she expects it to be. 

At first, his lips are hard against hers, almost like he doesn't want to kiss her, or maybe because he's frightened. He soon relaxes, however, and then his lips are soft on hers, and she can taste the crisp sweetness of the apples they'd eaten earlier. Her fingers wind in his hair, and she's delighted to find that they are as silky as they look, like he belongs in an advertisement for hair products. One of his hands cups her cheek, the other resting on her leg, and she wonders if his heart is hammering as hard as hers is. 

He pulls away far too soon, his eyes sparkling impossibly bright. 

"It was my pleasure." He says, and he might be talking just about the picnic, but it's likely he's talking about more than that. 

He smiles, and Clary gets a sudden urge to draw him, to sketch the sharp angles of his cheekbones, the waves of his golden locks, the quirk of his smile, the shine in his eyes when he's looking at her like he is right now. 

He tucks a lock of hair behind her ear, and the action brings them barely an inch away again. 

This time, when he leans in, Clary finds herself melting under his touch. And if she's being honest, she can't find a single problem with it. 

 

* * *

 

If Jace was asleep, like he should be at something-past-midnight, he'd be blissfully unaware of the echoing creak indicating that someone is opening the front door. Which, at such a late hour, is not only a strange and unexpected situation, but also a curious one. 

Careful not to make too much sound, just in case he is actually the only one who isn't asleep, Jace sneaks down the stairs, and it's once he's at the bottom of them, that he discovers who's making the late-night entrance into the house. 

"Alec?" 

Alec's eyes are wide, shocked, like a deer caught in headlights, and there's a pulsing ache in not only Jace's wrist, but also in his heart. This is the first time in what is likely weeks, that he's actually seen Alec for more than a minute, what with he and Clary spending all their time together, and Alec disappearing off to who knows where. It feels like he's put a band-aid over the hole in his heart, and any wrong move or word will tear it off and leave him gasping in pain. 

"What are you doing up?" Alec asks, his voice tight, trying to cover up something, not that Jace can figure out what it is. 

"Couldn't really sleep. Where have you been?" Jace asks, more accusive than he'd first intended. 

"Just, went for a walk. Fresh air, cool night, thought it would be calming." 

"And was it?" 

Alec shrugs, stepping past Jace in an attempt to escape any more questions. "It helped, if that's what you're asking." 

Jace turns to follow him, and notices a red mark on his neck. Which, can't be right, surely, because it's  _Alec_. 

And besides that, disregarding all the worries and peculiar thoughts that spring up at  _that_ idea, he would have told Jace if he had met someone ... wouldn't he? 

"What's that on your neck?" He asks, testing the waters to see if Alec will tell him the truth. 

"What?" Alec's hand flies to his neck, obscuring Jace's view, and Jace takes that as a sign. That something is, in fact, really not okay between them at the moment. 

"Looks like a bite mark." Jace comments, teasingly, hoping it will disguise the pain in his voice. "What did you actually get up to in the park?" 

"Nothing, I just - I fell." 

"You fell, on your neck?" Jace clarifies, because surely Alec can hear how ridiculous it sounds. 

Alec's face contorts, painfully, so Jace decides to drop it. 

"Just, if you have a shower or grab a snack or whatever, try not to make too much noise, if possible. I'm going to try and grab some Z's." 

Alec offers him a wry smile, and there's something very similair to gratefulness in his eyes. Jace nods, and turns to walk away, hoping that Alec doesn't see the tight press of his lips, or the hurt in his eyes. 

He knows that Alec isn't telling him something, but he can't exactly say anything himself, because  _he's_ not telling Alec everything either. Alec's never kept secrets from him before, though, he's far too honest for that. Not in all of the time that they have known each other. And suddenly, it dawns on him, that something bad has happened, something in their relationship has cracked and he wants to fix it, desperately, but he's not sure how. 

So, as always, Jace takes the easiest route that prevents his heart from breaking. He throws up as many walls as he can, shuts his emotions off like they don't exist, and pretends that if he doesn't acknowledge the pain it won't hurt him. 

Because that's the only thing he knows how to do. 

 _To love, is to destroy. To be loved, is to be the one destroyed._  

 

* * *

 

"So, what even is the point of this show?" 

"Amateur fashion designers compete for the top prize. It's like a non-lethal fight to the death, except instead of death, it's, well, clothes and contracts with big companies." 

Alec shrugs, because he's really not that interested in the show. It's not his thing, but it  _is_ Magnus', which is fine. Alec doesn't mind watching  _(zoning out halfway through)_ the show, because it means he gets to be with Magnus, gets to lie with his head on Magnus' shoulder with their legs resting together, and he really  _does_ want to do  _that_. 

"It's not really your cup of tea, is it?" Magnus asks, and Alec pauses before shaking his head. 

"But that's okay," He assures Magnus. "I don't mind." 

Magnus looks down, his fingers curling between Alec's. 

"Are you sure?" He asks, because he in no way wants to force Alec into something he doesn't want to do. 

"Positive." Alec replies, tilting his head up. Magnus takes his cue and leans down, and their lips meet in a soft kiss. Alec looks at Magnus, stares at him, with an intense look that seems to say  _"I promise, it's fine."_  

Magnus kisses him again, and Alec lets out a delicate sigh when they pull away. His head rests on Magnus' shoulder, his lips inches from Magnus' collarbone, and there's a feeling akin to safety flooding him. It's warm and nice and he wishes he could feel it all the time. 

They're about half-way through the show, when Magnus' fingers slide up Alec's hand, playing with the hem of his sleeve. At first Alec doesn't pay much attention to it - random displays of light affection aren't anything too serious. It's not like they're going to start ripping each other's clothes off or anything. 

Except then Magnus begins to slide the sleeve up, his fingers looping around Alec's wrist. Before Alec can realise what's happening, Magnus' lips are pressing open-mouthed kisses to the delicate skin, the firm veins, and Alec should really be stopping him but his mind is sort of short-circuiting at the moment, none of the blood in his veins heading anywhere near that particular organ. 

And then Magnus inhales sharply, and reality comes crashing down around Alec. He pulls himself up, scoots away to the other side of the couch, but he's too late, Magnus has already seen, and he doesn't know what to say, how to explain. 

"Is that what I think it is?" Magnus whispers, his voice low, and there's threads of pain laced through. Alec wishes he'd told Magnus the truth at the start of their relationship, but he hadn't, and it's all his fault. 

"Uh ... yeah. Yes, it is." 

Magnus looks down, his lips pressed together firmly, and Alec wants to say something to make it all better, but he doesn't know how. 

"So you have a soulmate?" Magnus says. He doesn't sound hurt, or angry, or even upset. His voice is flat, deadpan, factual. And Alec hates that  _he's_ the reason why Magnus isn't exuberant anymore. 

"Yes." 

"When were you going to tell me?  _Were_ you going to tell me?" 

"Of course I was!" Alec shouts, although it's more like a very loud whisper, and his heart is beating too fast in his chest, not in the good way it does when he kisses Magnus, but in the way it did when Jace had yelled at him and Alec had realised that he'd done a bad thing, a very bad thing. 

"I just didn't know how." 

"So, have you found them? Or were you just using me until you did?" 

Magnus sounds hurt now, his voice cracking around the harsh words, and Alec has to start fighting off tears so he can concentrate on not making matters any worse. 

"I've found them." He whispers. "But I was  _never_ using you." 

Magnus doesn't speak, so Alec decides to just keep talking, because he's nervous and the silence hurts him more than the look in Magnus' eyes when he first saw the mark. 

"It's my brother, Jace. Oh, well, he's, he's adopted, but still. And I, uh, I used to have a crush on him, too, once, but-" 

And there it is. The low, painful sound Alec had wanted so badly not to hear. The mark on his wrist starts to burn, like a hot branding iron, and he's almost glad about it, because he deserves it. He's hurt Magnus, and he deserves all the pain he receives. He looks down at his wrist, and although it hasn't changed, he feels like it's mocking him, just by simply being there. 

"I think you should go." Magnus murmurs, and Alec croaks out a few protesting sounds. Magnus holds a hand up, though, and Alec clamps his mouth shut, swallows his words and nods in defeat. 

"I just need some time to stomach this." Magnus explains, but he's looking at the floor and Alec can feel the tears brimming. 

"My phone will be on." Alec says, and Magnus nods, but he still doesn't look up. Alec sighs, and leaves the apartment without looking back. 

He makes it onto the street before the tears start falling, and it's only after a few minutes that he realises it's raining, too. His poncho, the one Isabelle had brought him a few years ago, is still at Magnus' - he despises umbrella's - but he can't bear to go back and try and get it, so he ignores the rain as it seeps into his clothes, allows it to cover up the tears streaking down his cheeks. 

When he gets home he heads straight to his room. Jace and Isabelle are both out, and his parents are away on business, Max with them, so he has the whole house to himself. He curls up in a foetal position on his bed, and barely feels the burn of his tears or the mark on his wrist. 

He starts scratching at it, hoping that if he digs his nails in hard enough, he'll be able to remove the soulmate mark. Because it's not worth it,  _he doesn't want to have it_ if all it brings him and the ones he loves is pain and hurt. 

Because he does, he loves Magnus, kind of, his feelings are certainly incredibly close to it, and that's why he hates what he's done so badly. He's never wanted to hurt Magnus, and now he has and he hates himself for it. He hates the mark that has been the cause of all this pain and he wishes his life were simpler, wishes it wasn't there because then there wouldn't be any problems in the first place. 

He falls asleep like that, dried tears on his cheeks and chin, the skin around his mark red and in parts broken. The mark itself has remained intact, despite Alec's best efforts, and it begins to shine, like a glow-in-the-dark sticker. 

He doesn't hear the door creak open, doesn't see Jace's head poke in, the painful way it contorts at the sight of Alec, curled up on his bed with blood under his fingernails. He doesn't hear the choked sob or the whimpered apologies that spill from Jace's mouth. 

He has no idea of the promise Jace makes to him. But it won't be long before he finds out. 

 

* * *

 

"Magnus isn't answering any of my texts. Is he ignoring yours too?" 

Alec keeps his eyes on the grass beneath his hands, on the blades that scratch the inside of his fingers as he drags them through. Lily nudges his shoulder, lightly, but he doesn't have the energy to nudge back. 

"What happened between you two?" She asks, blunt but cautious, abandoning her previous question. 

Alec sighs, before gripping a bunch of grass in his hand and pulling it hard, tearing the roots from the ground. 

"He found out about Jace." 

"You told him?" Lily asks, and he can see the pride filling her, and as much as he hates to shut it down, he can't have her believing in a lie. 

"No. He saw my mark, and then I tried to explain, but I don't think I did a very good job and now-" Alec sighs despondently. "Now he isn't speaking to me." 

Lily's eyes soften, which is a peculiar sight from someone so brash and strong like her. She hardly ever lets emotions rule her, and yet, here she is. Maybe Alec has actually underestimated how bad the situation was. After all, she  _has_ known Magnus longer. 

"It's not like I wasn't planning on telling him, I just had no way to go about it. And it's not like Jace and I are really talking at the moment-" 

 _And there's that horrible pain again, only this time it's in his heart as well as his wrist._  

"Have I messed everything up?" He asks, hating how weak and imploring he sounds. 

"In all honesty ... I don't know. I think if you leave it and act like you haven't done anything wrong, then maybe? My advice would be to give him another day or so, some time to calm down a little, and then try and explain your side of the story. Leave it too long and he won't listen. He's probably hurt, Alec, you just need to give him some space to come to terms with what he's just learnt." 

Alec nods, because Lily is right, not that it makes the truth any easier to swallow. 

"Do you want another tip, or do you already have too much on your plate?" 

"Go," Alec whispers. He feels like Alice in the looking glass, everything is inverted and upside down. He and Jace aren't talking, Magnus is sad, Lily is caring and soft-spoken, considerate. 

Everything feels wrong. And it's all his fault. 

"I think you should talk to Jace." Lily says slowly, almost as though she's expecting Alec to cut her off. 

He doesn't. Because she's right. Again. 

"I mean, you're soulmates for a reason, right? Platonic or not, there's a bond between you two, and I think he's the one you should be turning to right now. He knows you better than anyone else, and I think he'd know what to do." 

"He doesn't even know I'm gay." Alec whispers, the words still heavy on his tongue, even now. 

"Then maybe that's a good place to start." Lily suggests. She puts her hand next to Alec's, their fingers barely an inch apart. That's their thing, her way of showing comfort and his way of telling her he isn't okay, and it works for them. 

Right now, it only makes Alec want to cry even more. 

 

* * *

 

"May I come in?" 

Jace looks up at the soft knocks on his door. Alec is standing just outside, nervous and fidgety, and his eyes are darting round the room, looking at everywhere  _but_ Jace. 

"Uh, yeah, sure." 

Jace doesn't mention that Alec is always welcome, and that it's stupid of him to ask, because something is very clearly bothering Alec and he doesn't want to press. Alec is making a move to talk to him, after weeks of darting around the idea of each other, and Jace isn't really one to kick a gift-horse in the mouth. 

"What's up?" He asks, aiming for casualty, but Alec frowns and Jace realises darkly that they don't have the luxury of casualty anymore. 

"Can we ... can we talk?" Alec chokes out. Jace nods slowly, and Alec halts, before closing the door behind him. He doesn't take any steps forward, he doesn't take any steps at all, and Jace finds himself standing up purposefully. 

He walks over to Alec, and places a hand on his shoulder. Alec flinches slightly, and Jace thinks his eyes are shining, but Alec wipes them before Jace can really tell. 

"Why don't you sit down?" He suggests, speaking carefully in case he sends Alec into hysterics. Alec nods curtly, and allows Jace to guide him towards the bed. 

He sinks down onto the side of the bed, Jace following him, leaving a fair amount of space between them. The mattress is firm, and Jace almost wishes it was softer, if only because then there would be a dip that brings them closer. 

Because right now, a few centimetres feels like miles. 

"You wanted to talk?" Jace says, because it doesn't really seem like Alec is going to kickstart the conversation. 

"Yeah - yes." Alec nods. He sighs, the sound fading into a low groan, and Jace lifts his hand to hold it out before changing his mind, folding it into a fist and placing it into his lap. 

"Firstly, I - I'm sorry, Jace. For avoiding you, for not talking to you and pretending that you were the only one at fault." 

"Alec, it's fine-" 

"No." Alec cuts in, his tone harder than Jace had been expecting. His head shakes minutely, as though he's ashamed in himself, and Jace wants to comfort him but he can't, not yet, despite how much he wants to. 

"It's not okay, Jace. I've been a shitty brother and a worst best friend, and I'm ashamed about it. I should never have pushed you away." 

"You didn't push me away." Jace says. Alec looks ready to protest but he keeps going, not giving him the chance. 

"You nudged me, sure, and if I was a weaker person," 

That earns him a stifled laugh. 

" _If_ I was a weaker person," Jace continues. "Then maybe I would have toppled and fallen over. But I'm not, and I'm still here - I was just as bad, Alec, I got caught up in Clary and I didn't pay you the attention you deserve. I knew something was going on - and don't try to deny it because  _I know you_ , and I know there  _was_ something, just as I know that there still is something  _now_ \- and I left you alone because I thought that is what I was supposed to, what you needed me to do." 

Jace sighs heavily. "But it wasn't, and I'm sorry." 

Alec laughs, low and almost self-deprecatingly. "When did we screw everything up? When did everything between us get so frayed?" 

Jace shrugs. "I don't know, when I met Clary and started spending more time with her than you? When you started going off on your little adventures with whoever you've been spending all your time with." 

Alec ducks his head, and there's heat creeping up his neck. 

"About that," he says, and the breath he takes is deep enough to scare Jace, just a little. 

"Alec..." Jace cuts in, because he's never really seen Alec like this before, and if whatever he wants to say causes him to act like this, it can't be that important. 

"If you don't want to tell me-" 

"I have to. I - I haven't been around, because I'm ... I'm dating someone." 

"Okay, well, I mean that's not such a big deal." Jace says, but Alec shakes his head, and Jace wonders what more he could need to say about it. 

"There's more, I - I-" 

Alec's body starts to tremble, and Jace throws caution to the wind - who cares what gap has spread between them, none of that matters right now. He wraps an arm around Alec's shoulders, absorbing the shaking into his own bones, and squeezes tightly. Alec starts to sob, and Jace just holds on tighter - he hadn't been there for Alec before, like hell is he going to abandon him when he needs help the most. 

"I'm gay." Alec chokes out, and his sobs fall harder. Jace freezes, because he hadn't expected that, but he also can't figure out why it's such a big deal for Alec. 

"Okay." He says, because Alec's confession hasn't changed anything, not in a bad way. There's something else between them now, their bond is stronger somehow, now that Alec has told him this thing that he's supposedly been keeping secret for a fair amount of time, and that is obviously very important to him. 

"Okay?" Alec echoes, and Jace has to laugh, he can't control it. Alec stills, and Jace rubs his hand up and down Alec's arm, to try and reassure him. He's never really been one for touchy-feely moments, but for Alec he is more than willing to make an exception. 

"Yes. Alec, you seriously thought I wouldn't be okay with this? That I'd, what, hate you or something? For being you?" 

Alec shrugs minutely. "I don't know, I - I guess I didn't really know how you would react." 

He lifts his head up, smiling sheepishly, and Jace grins. 

"So, are we okay now?" He asks, because it feels like they're back to normal, but there's two of them in this, not just him, and it's important that he and Alec are on the same page. 

This is their book, their story, and he never wants to feel like he's suddenly being written by a different author. 

"Yeah." Alec says, wiping his eyes. "We're okay." 

There's still a weight drawing Alec's shoulders down though, tugging the corners of his mouth into a weak smile, if that, and Jace isn't going to pretend that he doesn't notice this time. 

"And the other thing you want to tell me is..." 

Alec's eyebrows furrow, creating a lined crease in the middle of his forehead, and Jace scoffs out a laugh. 

"Come on, you can't just drop a huge fact like that on me and then not tell me the other thing that's bothering you." 

Alec fidgets with the stitching on his jeans, and Jace wonders how whatever he's going to say is any bigger than the confession of his sexuality. 

"The, uh, person - guy - I'm dating..." 

Jace watches in silence as Alec struggles with his words. His eyes soften, and he wants to say something, but he knows that Alec needs to get it out himself, and Jace just needs to wait for him to do so. 

"His name is Magnus, and - we've been dating for a while now, a couple of months or so," 

 _Coincidentally just about how long this horrible distance has been stretching on for._  

"And, we're, I ... he's not talking to me at the moment, because I made a mistake, and now I don't know what to do to fix it." 

"If it's too personal, you now that you don't have to tell me, but - what  _did_ you do?" 

Jace winces as he realises how insensitive it sounds, and he's about to re-word it when Alec answers him. 

"I, uh, I kept a secret from him.  _You_ , actually, or, well, the soulmate bond we have. He saw my mark, and I tried to explain but-" 

Alec rubs his hand across his forehead, and Jace's own hand falls down to rest on the mattress. 

"I've really messed it up. Which sucks, because I, I really like him, Jace, he's ... he's  _amazing_ and I don't want to lose him but I'm afraid I might have anyway." 

"So tell him the truth." 

Alec's eyes widen incredulously. "I can't do that, he isn't going to listen to me!" 

"Because he didn't the first time you tried to tell him? I imagine he was quite upset, Alec, but that doesn't mean you should just abandon any hope. If you really do like this guy as much as you say, you should try and explain it to him again. And if he cares about you, he'll listen." 

He's being painfully blunt, and he knows it, but he also knows that if he isn't Alec won't do anything about it himself. And he also knows, even simply from everything he's just been told, that the destruction of this relationship will leave him in a mindless stupor of depression. He promised himself he would help, and that's what he intends to do. 

Even if giving Alec relationship advice - in general, let alone about another  _guy_  - feels a little weird, the words leaving weighted imprints on the surface of his tongue. 

"You really think that?" Alec asks, and Jace shrugs. 

"I mean, I'm not a love expert, by any means, but it's just common sense. He was probably a little hurt, but it doesn't seem like a big enough deal to make a huge fuss over." 

Jace waits for Alec to say something, and is therefore appropriately surprised when Alec twists around and lunges at him, trapping him in a firm yet awkward hug. Jace has to expertly maneuver his hips so he doesn't fall off the bed, but the laugh that Alec releases makes it all worth it. 

"Thank you." Alec says, his head resting somewhere near Jace's ribcage. 

"It's what I'm here for, loser." Jace replies, and he can feel something settling in his chest, a hole closing over. There's a comforting heat rushing through his veins, centred in his left wrist, and the feeling is so nostalgically familiar he wants to cry. 

It's been so long since he's felt it, so long since he's felt the warmth that's because of Alec, and he knows he's never going to let it escape him again, because he needs Alec like he needs air to breathe, he survives off their bond and without it he feels like half of a person, not all there. 

Because that's what soulmates are, they're the other half you don't realise you need until it's too late. 

Jace is just glad he's managed to get his back. 

 

* * *

 

"What?" 

Clary shrugs, the luminescent glow from the TV casting shadows across her face and highlighting her bright hair. Jace had invited her over for a movie marathon - Simon hadn't come this time, muttering something about band practice or maybe video games ... Jace hadn't really been paying much attention. He hadn't been watching the movie, his eyes cast to Clary instead, and so when she turned and looked at him peculiarly, he was curious as to why. 

"You just, you look happy. More than you have been recently, it's nice." 

"Yeah, I-" Jace pauses. Clary knows about Alec, knows about the bond between them, but the two of them rarely get along, and he doesn't want to say anything that will be cause for strife. 

Clary raises her eyebrows carefully, and Jace sighs. She has him wrapped around her finger and he has no hope of trying to pretend that it's nothing. 

"Alec and I had a talk the other night, sorted out what went wrong." 

"So you're actually talking to each other now?" Clary asks, and Jace's mind flicks back to earlier that morning, when he and Alec had started making breakfast, a normal feat, that had quickly escalated into throwing flour and assorted syrups at each other. 

He smiles subconsciously, a sense of overwhelming happiness flooding him. 

"Yeah, we are." He replies, and there's something so  _right_ in that sentence. 

Clary's hand reaches over and links with Jace's. Her palm is warm, soft, and he finds himself leaning in slightly, his head inches from hers. 

"I'm glad." She says, and he can tell that she means it. Despite the tension between her and Alec, she is being honest, and Jace can feel something else, something new and different and scary. 

Something very similair to love. 

Something he isn't ready to deal with yet, if ever. 

So he pushes it aside and leans into Clary instead. Loses himself in the taste of her lips and the way they move against his, the strawberry scent of her hair and the cut of her jaw beneath his fingers. 

The things about her that he can touch, that he can breathe in, the part of this situation that is real and corporeal. 

Not what's in his head or his heart. 

 

* * *

 

"What happened?" Alec asks. 

He'd just strolled into the kitchen for something to eat before he attempts to fix things with Magnus. The tightness in his stomach seems very unwilling to let him keep anything down, but he's determined to try anyway. He'd been under the impression that no one else was home, but upon seeing his sister sitting at the table with a concoction of something he's pretty certain he doesn't want to know the details of in front of her, he has to admit to himself that he isn't. 

"What are you on about?" She asks, scooping something into her mouth. He'd say porridge, as that's what it looks like, but he's probably wrong and so he keeps quiet. 

"It's a Friday night, and you're sitting  _here._ More to the point, you're actually at home. I thought you'd be with your boyfriend or something." 

"Nope." Isabelle says, sipping her drink. "We broke up." 

"You broke up?" Alec echoes, rounding the side of the bench until he is standing next to her. She doesn't appear very upset, but Alec isn't just going to assume by face-value. 

"Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine." Isabelle says, and she looks at him as if he's crazy. Which, he isn't, it's a very reasonable question to ask. 

"It's not like I was in love with him or anything. He was fun, a good kisser, that's it. He wanted something more, I'd started losing interest, and so we broke up. It's not that big of a deal, Alec, really." 

Alec shakes his head fondly, because of course Isabelle wouldn't see a break up as a big deal. 

"As long as you're sure." He says, not because he thinks she'll lie to him, but just in case. 

He makes his way to the fridge, ignoring the twist in his gut at the thought of eating. 

"Getting ready to go somewhere?" Isabelle asks, and Alec frowns as he takes out a punnet of mixed berries. He isn't ready for anything too substantial or heavy, and fruit has always been a pick-me-up. 

Isabelle is smirking when he turns around, and he decides to play it carefully. 

By, of course, not saying anything at all. 

"You can't pretend that you're not," Isabelle says, as Alec pops a blueberry into his mouth. 

"I think that is one of the nicest shirts you've ever worn. And you've actually styled your hair." 

Alec breathes through his nose, and Isabelle's smirk widens. 

"So?" She says, tilting her head, her hair falling over one shoulder, her dark eyes boring into him. 

Alec sighs, deciding to just give in, knowing it will save him unwanted grief and keep her happy. 

"I have a boyfriend, his name is Magnus-" 

Isabelle squeals, and he holds a hand up, to hush her so that he can finish. 

"And I made a mistake, which is why I am going over to his apartment to try and fix things before they get any worse." 

The light in Isabelle's eyes dims slightly, her smirk faltering, and Alec attempts a weak smile of his own. 

"It's okay, Izzy, or at least it will be. There was a misunderstanding, I kept something from him that I shouldn't have, but I talked to Jace, and to Lily, and if I don't at least talk to him it's never going to get better." 

He presses his lips together firmly, and leans his elbows on the bench. 

"I have to do this, Iz." 

 _I've just gotten Jace back, I'm not losing Magnus too._  

 

* * *

 

When Magnus opens the door, he looks surprised, for a second, before a mask of indifference slides into place. He's wearing black silk pajamas with, what Alec hopes are flamingos, and no shirt. 

Because Alec's luck is so depleted that he has to arrive at Magnus' door late on a Friday night when Magnus is very obviously comfortable with less clothes than would be acceptable in an average public situation. 

"Alec." Magnus greets curtly. He crosses his arms and leans against the doorway, looking a hundred times more composed than Alec feels. 

"H-Hi." He replies, suddenly wondering if this is actually a bad idea. 

"What are you doing here?" Magnus asks. He doesn't sound angry, or even upset, he just sounds ... normal. Which, from Magnus, is more than weird. 

"I, uh, came here to talk. To try and fix things." 

Magnus' eyebrows raise, just slightly, as though Alec has somehow managed to surprise him. 

"You do realise it's a Friday night?" Magnus asks. "Wouldn't a conversation like this be better reserved for a more reasonable hour?" 

Alec shrugs. "Probably. But, I didn't want to wait any longer, and - and I guess some part of me hoped that by some miracle you wouldn't be busy. And, more to the point, willing to hear me out." 

Magnus gestures at his ensemble. "Well, as a matter of fact, the Chairman and I are enjoying a wonderful night in. We have Chinese takeout and a whole collection of Disney movies waiting to be watched. There is a very exciting evening planned, as you can see." 

"Yes," Alec nods. "Indeed. Does that mean you want me to leave..." 

"No," Magnus says, after a moment. Alec's surprise must be clearly displayed, as Magnus laughs softly and stands up straighter, letting his arms fall down to his sides. His fingers curl, itching to reach out, but he grasps the door instead and opens it wider. 

"You should join us. You want to talk, I'm willing to listen, and besides - I have far too much food for just me and Chairman. No point in wasting it." Magnus says nonchalantly, but Alec can see something else beneath the surface of his words. 

"As long as you're sure..." He says, in case there's a part of Magnus that has any doubts. 

"I wouldn't be inviting you in if I wasn't." Magnus assures him, stepping aside to allow Alec past. 

Alec smiles weakly and enters the room. The apartment looks exactly the same, and it's not as though Alec really guessed it would look different - it has only been a few days, nearly a week, since he'd last been here, but it feels like longer. 

"You can just go and take a seat, you are still welcome here." Magnus says, but there's a edge to his voice that reminds Alec of why he's here in the first place. 

He feels a strange desire to thank Magnus, but he stops himself. Instead, he sits down on Magnus' couch, perched on the edge because he isn't entirely comfortable yet. He can still feel a glaring distance between them, and he knows that it will only grow if he doesn't say something. 

"Does that mean you don't hate me?" Alec asks, tensing as he waits for Magnus' answer. Magnus slumps down next to him, his head lying against the back of his couch, his eyes closed. 

"Oh, Alexander." He sighs, and Alec wonders why he sounds so exasperated, so tired. Is it because of him? Or something else? 

"I could never hate you." Magnus continues, his head lolling to the side. He peers at Alec through honest, half-lidded eyes, and smiles weakly. 

"Never?" Alec asks, pushing imaginary boundaries. There's hope filling him, and he doesn't want to look too much into it if he's wrong, but he also wants to know if he  _is_ right. 

"Absolutely not." Magnus says. He pauses, his eyes falling to the space between them, before he straightens himself up and shifts until he's properly facing Alec. 

He takes Alec's hands in his own, and rubs his thumb across Alec's knuckles. His touch is warm, grounding, and even though Alec wants to look away he forces his eyes to lock onto Magnus'. 

"I am hurt, that you didn't tell me." Magnus begins, and Alec breathes in deeply. He knows he can't back out, he is the one who wanted to talk, and he still does, he just didn't realise how hard he'd find it. 

"And it will likely take me a bit, a few weeks, maybe, to forgive you completely. That's a really big thing to keep from me, Alec. Especially after ... I thought we were getting close." 

"We were -  _we are_." Alec assures him. 

Magnus smiles softly. "I know. What I'm saying is, that in a relationship like ours, despite only knowing each other for a few months, it's important to be completely honest. And having a soulmate - I realise that I don't have one, so I do not understand what it is like myself, but from everything I've heard from friends of mine it is a very special bond." 

Alec ducks his head down, his eyes on their hands and not the conflicting emotions in Magnus' eyes. 

"I didn't want you to freak out, think that I don't l0 - that I'm not interested in you, that I'm not invested in this relationship. Because I am." He whispers. 

"I know," Magnus laughs, and the sound is so bright and happy, and not what Alec is expecting. 

"It's a quarter to ten on a Friday, Alec, and you came here, to apologise, without knowing whether I would even answer the door, without knowing if I was home or even by myself." 

Alec can feel a blush creeping up his neck, and by Magnus' amused laugh, he notices. 

"I understand now, in a sense, why you didn't tell me. It's a big deal, and you were scared - it's understandable. But at the time ... it felt like you didn't trust me enough. And trust is an important part of a relationship. If you don't trust me, then-" 

"I do trust you." Alec whispers. "Of course I trust you. I was just - I was worried that you were going to freak out, and I didn't know how to tell you and so I just kept putting it off until you found it. I always intended to tell you Magnus, I promise I did." 

"And now you have." Magnus says, one hand pulling out of Alec's. Thin fingers slide under his chin, tilting his head up until he has nowhere else to look but at Magnus. 

Magnus smiles gently, and Alec pulls the corners of his own mouth up into a faint smile. 

"I do forgive you, Alec, mostly. It's just my pride getting in the way now, and that's something for me to deal with, not you." 

Magnus sighs, and Alec can see his mask sliding away. There's vulnerability in his eyes, fear that he's going to get hurt by being so open, which Alec understands, more than he'd like to admit. 

"I know we didn't exactly break-up, but we've both been avoiding each other. Providing there's nothing else you want to put on the table - and there's a lot on there already, which is a good thing - I'd like to, resume where we left off. On better terms, of course. No more keeping secrets or lying." 

Magnus shrugs one shoulder. 

"Obviously we don't have to tell each other everything, not yet, but to prevent another situation like this ... I think we should just, tell each other things, anecdotes or recounts of memories in situations that are similair. For example, I have two friends of mine, good, old friends, who are soulmates. Their relationship is a little more complicated, and it's not just the two of them, but they make it work because their bond is strong. I think it's a fair guess to assume it's the same for you and Jace, you make things work because your bond is strong." 

"You and I have a pretty good bond, too." Alec whispers. 

"Good to see it's not just me who thinks so." Magnus replies. The heat has creeped up to Alec's cheekbones now, and Magnus is smiling coyly. 

He leans forward, brushing his lips softly against Alec's, the sensation so achingly familiar it almost hurts. He pulls back, his eyes studying Alec's, and Alec feels the butterflies in his stomach waking up. 

"Are we okay?" He asks, worried that Magnus has stopped because he's suddenly changed his mind. 

"We are now." Magnus promises him, and then he's leaning in, his lips pressing against Alec's, harder, his hand sliding to cup the back of Alec's neck. 

Alec's hand slides to Magnus' thigh, using it as leverage to push closer, the hours and minutes and days they'd spent apart all coming on him at once, all the worry and the fear and the self-deprecation he's felt flooding him and pouring out through his mouth, everything he feels for, feels  _about_ Magnus, rushing along with it. 

Magnus pulls back, leaning his forehead against Alec's, green-gold eyes boring into blue ones, and he sighs softly. 

"I-" Alec begins, but he can't keep going. The words are resting on his tongue, and he wants to say them aloud, desperately, but he can't. 

"I know." Magnus replies. "Me too." 

And the strangest thing is, Alec believes him. 

Even if neither of them can say it, just yet. 

 

* * *

 

 

 _"No."_  

Jace scoffs out a laugh, and barely dodges the hand flying at his shoulder. 

"It's not funny!" Alec yells, and Jace grins. 

"Actually, I think it is." 

Alec's head falls into his hands, a low groan muffled by his fingers. "I can't believe this." 

"Clary and I think it's really quite sweet-" 

"It's not. It's mental.  _She's_ mental. I've never agreed on any of her boyfriends before, and I was hardly upset when she broke up with the last one, but this is just-" 

Jace raises his eyebrows, as Alec lifts his head up, exasperated. 

"Simon?" He asks. "Why, out of everyone, does it have to be nerdy, glasses-wearing  _Simon_? He's not even her type." 

"Maybe that's the appeal." Jace reasons. 

"She's going to break his heart." Alec retorts, as though it is a simple fact. "That's what she does, intentional or not, she strings them along, and then she gets bored or they don't interest her the same way and she dumps them. Simon's fragile, he's not going to be able to handle it." 

"The kid's tougher than he looks." Jace replies, and Alec frowns. 

"You're basically the same age." 

Jace holds three fingers up. "He's younger, by three months." 

"And that's an impactful detail?" Alec asks. 

"Of course." 

Alec laughs, and there's a sense of  _right_ filling Jace. 

 _This is how things should be._  

And then he's reminded of the broken-record mantra his adopted father had fed him, over and over again, and instead of pushing it down, Jace decides that it's time. He's kept it all a secret for far too long, and Alec deserves to know the truth. He's been waiting far too long as it is, no point wasting any more time because he's scared. 

He trusts Alec. More than he did when they were kids, maybe as much as he ever will. He doesn't have an excuse anymore. 

"Can I, talk to you?" He asks, and Alec  _must_ sense the desperation in his voice, it's embarrassingly evident. 

"Sure," Alec says. He waits for Jace to say something, and when he doesn't, Alec nods towards the door to the hallway. 

"Library?" He suggests. "All our secrets seem to come out there. And, in bedrooms, but I have a boyfriend now, so-" 

Alec ducks as Jace aims a hand at the back of his head. He laughs, and Jace finds himself laughing too, more comfortable and at ease than he's been in weeks. 

"Alright," Jace agrees, and they spend the distance to the library poking each other in the ribs and trying not to run into the walls. This house has seen far too many injuries due to their behaviour. Best not to add any more. 

"Before you start, if what you have to tell me is that you and Clary have, I don't know,  _made it to third-base_  or whatever, I will run out of this room with my fingers in my ears, and I probably won't speak to you for a week." Alec warns, lowering himself onto the lounge, eyes on Jace the whole time. 

Jace shakes his head, and sits next to Alec. 

"What is it then? Have you eloped? Man, that was quick." Alec jokes, but Jace can see that he's beginning to get a little worried, and he hates that he's only going to freak Alec out even more. 

"No, we haven't eloped." Jace says. 

Alec doesn't reply, and Jace takes a deep breath, trying to steel his nerves before he can chicken out of telling Alec. 

He has to do it. Now. He's run out of excuses. 

"Do you remember, it was a few years ago now, and you walked in on me at night..." 

A shadow falls across Alec's eyes. "I remember." 

"You saw my scars, and instead of telling you about them, I freaked out and pushed you away. I was scared and I didn't know how to trust people, didn't know how to trust  _you_. My childhood was far from easy, and because of that I had a hard time letting people in." 

"But you and Clary, you got so close, so quickly..." 

"Because of you." Jace admits, and he can see confusion clouding Alec's features so he quickly adds. "You taught me how to trust, how to let people in, without assuming the worst about them." 

"But I didn't ... I've only ever been your friend," Alec replies. 

"And my brother. And, my soulmate. Platonic, of course, no offense but you're very much not my type." 

"I think I can live with that." Alec assures him. 

Jace nods, then jumps in the deep end in the hopes he won't drown. 

"When I was a kid, my uh - my adopted father, though back then I thought he was actually my dad, he bought me a falcon for my birthday. He told me to tame it, and by some miracle I managed to. We lived on an estate, so I didn't see anything strange about it, I just thought I had gotten a new pet. And so I taught it and I loved it, and it became my best friend." 

Alec's quiet, patient and listening intently, and Jace almost wishes he wasn't, because then he wouldn't know, and it probably wouldn't feel so hard. 

"But then he got angry, started yelling at me, about how I had broken it, because I was only supposed to tame it, and instead I had weakened it. Because I loved it." 

Jace's voice drops, flat and simple. 

"And then he took the falcon, and he snapped it's neck. And as I cried, he told me that, to love is to destroy. And, to be loved, is to be the one destroyed. And then he told me off for crying, there was a punishment involved - hence the scars, but I'd really rather not get into that today." 

Alec inhales sharply, and Jace has to look down, because he can feel himself start to cry, his father's words, the memories of his childhood burning in his mind, along with every emotion he'd felt in those days. 

"I believed him. I had loved the bird, and he had destroyed it. I thought that if I allowed myself to love anyone, then the same would happen to me." 

He pushes down all the other memories, the ones about what happened when he disobeyed, or shed a tear, or did anything his adopted father didn't agree with. That's something for another time, the conversation bringing up enough hurt as it is. 

"And then I met you, and you were kinder than anyone I had ever known. You didn't care that we were soulmates, whatever that meant at our age, you just cared that I was a person. You genuinely wanted to be friends with me, and you weren't bothered by how rude and mean to you I was." 

"You were a young, scared kid." Alec whispers. 

"And you helped me get over that. I wouldn't be half the person I am today if it weren't for you, Alec. And I know it can't have been easy for you, I was-" 

"Stubborn, painful, irritating, annoyingly clever with witty remarks, especially funny when I'm trying to be mad at you." Alec cuts in, and Jace can hear a smile in his voice. 

"Exactly. But you've stuck by me, despite all of that, and - and I don't think I've ever thanked you properly before. I know it couldn't have been easy, and although I never really said it, I'm glad you did. I always knew you'd be there for me if I needed you." 

"Of course I was. And I still am. No matter what." 

"I know." 

Jace looks up, and Alec's forehead is scrunched slightly. 

"You're okay now, though, right?" He asks, concern creeping into his tone. "You haven't, I don't know, snapped all of Clary's pencils or something in a fit of rage." 

"No." Jace assures him."But you have given me a bit of an idea, for future reference." 

Alec shakes his head fondly, but at least he's not yelling at Jace or running away in disgust like Jace's imagination had told him would happen. Then again, he doesn't know the worst of it yet. 

That's for another day. Another day, soon, because now he knows that Alec will listen to him without judging him. 

Alec gets up off the lounge, rubbing his hands slowly on his jeans. 

"Stand up." He says, and Jace eyes him warily. 

"Are you going to punch me?" He jokes. 

"No, you idiot. Now, stand up." 

Jace sighs dramatically, and does as Alec asked. 

"Is this the point where we hug it out?" Jace asks, and Alec nods confidently. 

There's sympathy in Alec's eyes, not a lot, but it's mixed with understanding and above all love, actual, real, love. Because Alec loves him, and it hasn't destroyed either of them yet, so maybe his father was wrong, maybe sometimes, to love isn't to destroy. Maybe, sometimes, to love is to heal, and to be loved is to have someone healing all your wounds, those that can be seen and those that can't. 

He cups the back of Alec's neck and pulls him in for a hug. Their arms wind around each other, their heads nestling against each other's necks. They stay like that, for what feels like forever, and Jace revels in the love and the warmth rushing through him from the comforting touch. The mark on his wrist burns, thrums with a steady heat, all the warmth drawing to it like a beacon, and Jace feels like a puzzle that's been without it's final piece for years, a piece which has just been slotted back into place. 

Because he has Clary, the first girl he's ever loved, romantically, the first person he's actually allowed himself to love from the beginning. Because she's fire and passion and she lights something inside of him, makes him feel as if he's been touched by angels, the blood in his veins set alight. 

And he has his family, he has Isabelle, the sister he didn't know he needed, and Max, the little brother who worships him just for being him. He has parents who, for the most part, genuinely care. Even Simon is becoming more and more bearable as each day passes. 

And he has Alec. 

Alec, who knows him inside and out, better than anyone else ever has, and possibly ever will. Who's been there for him from day one, patiently waiting even when Jace wasn't willing to give him anything. Who cried when he revealed to Jace that he's gay, and who couldn't have been more relieved when Jace told him he didn't care. 

Alec, who Jace has never seen so happy before. Who Jace trusts with his whole heart, his whole being, every inch of his soul. 

Because they're soulmates, unlike any others, and it's taken them both far too long to realise what it means. 

It means being there for one another, through nightmares and bad days and break-ups and make-ups, the bestest friend possible. It means not having all the answers, but trying as hard as possible to find them. 

It means having a bond stronger than any other, and respecting the privilege it brings. 

It's means being them, flaws included. And that's all it ever should.

**Author's Note:**

> (It is entirely likely I will add more to this series.)
> 
> It's taken me months to write and polish this, and I'm so proud of what I've created, so I really hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.


End file.
